Go on, try it.

Every time you look in the mirror or catch your reflection. Smile. 

Smile at yourself.

See yourself and smile anyway. Because every smile helps. 

I’ve been struggling lately and on the heels of Global Mental Health Day, I thought I’d share. 

I watched this video on Facebook last night and wow did it ever hit home. It reminded me that I’m not alone in this. 

At one point I didn’t know that there was a different way to live, and I think I thought that being “hard on myself” was what I needed to propel me towards “success” (boy has my definition of this changed over the last few years! But when I realized that not everyone thought the way that I did, that some people just let things go, or made a mistake and didn’t worry about it for days…I thought that I better keep my crazy mouth shut. So I did. I felt alone and lonely (two very different feels) and more ashamed and confused about  how I felt; for a very long time. It became toxic. It no longer pushed me towards good things, but down into a spiral of depression, and then the cycle went on. 

Fast forward many years, after a very long journey (which I am still very much on) I realized that I needed to talk, whether it be through writing, or good old face to face.  I put out feelers and started dialog. In doing so I found that there were other people who not only had similar struggles, but had the loneliness, confusion and shame that surrounding those struggles. My heart broke when I heard them say they had the same struggle, but thought they were alone. Here we were, two people who had been going through virtually the same thing, and both feeling like we were the only ones. Since the dialog has opened, I have learned that there are far more of us than I would have ever thought, and despite things like Global Mental Health Day, and Let’s Talk, there is still a lot of stigma, and a lot of fear. I get it, I hid it for a long time, and even when I admitted it I didn’t want to put it on social media. I didn’t want that I was suffering from anxiety to make people think I couldn’t photograph their families, I was afraid. I still am. But I am more afraid of letting other people think that they are the only ones. 

So I’ve opened up. Not just because the bottling it up inside has been seriously cramping my style, but because I don’t want you to feel alone.

You want to know that someone else’s life if a mess? Sister I have you covered. 

Think you shouldn’t have a mental illness, anxiety, depression or an eating disorder because your life is pretty good? Because you have a strong faith? Because you think you should be able to overcome everything?

Ever weigh yourself and see the number and figure that you might as well go to bed and never get up? 

Cry yourself all the way to a meeting or an event, make it through and cry when you leave? 

Ever want to physically cut the fat off your body with a knife? 

Or want to run away? 

Put on a party face when all you want to do is cry? 

Resent your friends for being thin?

Feel like you don’t deserve to eat? 

Sometimes think it would be ok to land in the hospital just so you could have a break?

Sabotaged yourself, your job, your diet or your relationships because you don’t truly believe you matter? 

Stayed awake all night thinking of all the things you needed to do, and were so overwhelmed you were paralyzed when the sun came up?

Assume you always do the wrong thing? That you said the wrong thing? That you’ll mess it up?

You’re not alone. 

Seriously. 

You’re not crazy.

Well maybe you are a little, but so am I… and we are not alone. 

If you don’t struggle with anxiety then this may scare you. I’m sorry. And I’m ok. Really. I have an amazing Psychiatrist  (seriously can’t say enough about Dr. Wilson, and if there is stigma between seeing a psychiatrist I REALLY don’t care, because this woman is the real deal and meeting her has been a game changer, literally, we’re changing the game!) And though #thestruggleisreal, I am aware of it, and working on it. 

I’m so thankful for the group of mutual “crazies” I get to meet with at ACT group (want to know what ACT is? Click Here.) because it helps give normalcy to my crazy. But I remember what it was like before. When I felt like I was the only one. So in case you don’t yet have anyone in your life you can be real with, and open with, to get that feedback. Here it is again: 

You’re not alone. 

Do I want these things for you (or for me!?) Heck no! I’m working my butt off to kick this to the curb, or at least figure how to ride the roller coaster a bit more efficiently. 

But at least if you’re feeling them, don’t pile on yourself that you’re an awful person, or that you’re the worst or no one could possibly understand….because you’re not alone. I get you. I’m your people. 

And we can work on this! But for now, hugs friend.

Give yourself a smile.