I matter. You matter. It’s a hard concept for many of us to hold onto.
I went to therapy today. And if you’ve never been, I would be in a huge “don’t knock it till you try it” boat here. Honestly it has been a huge game changer! My Psychiatrist mentioned something the other day about not being magic (though I might disagree) but that she just takes the things that we say and says it back to us. Sometimes in a little different framing and sometimes that is all that it takes.
Now, here is the thing.
I have been TRYING to lose weight off and on since my son was born. He’s three and a half now, and I believe I am heavier now than a month after he was born.
It might have to do with postpartum, anxiety, car accidents, concussion, medication and many other things. Actually I am sure that it does. But I also have learned that sometimes things don’t change because we need to do the work.
I’m not talking about doing the work to lose weight like eating clean, smaller portions and moving more. I have done all that. I did things that have always worked for me in the past, like weight watchers, beachbody, fast metabolism, clean eating, junk food cleanses. And nothing. No change. And I’m not saying I ate well for two days. I mean MONTHS, and no change.
I started running (and ran 4-5 times a week for a month or more) and still, no change…. In fact, I have gained MORE weight.
Yes, stress and hormones and fight or flight responses are in effect, but I actually feel like I am supposed to be learning something in this. Alex laughs because I always feel like their is a meaning behind the things that happen or why they happen. But it’s how I feel things, it’s how God has spoken to my heart many times in the past.
What if I can’t lose weight until I accept the fact that I am beautiful even if I’m obese. (yes obese is the weight class that I am currently in. You can all simmer down, I’m not body shaming myself this is just the real deal)
What if I can’t lose weight until I accept the fact that I am LOVED regardless of my size ?
That I MATTER even if my jeans are tight or I have a muffin top.
That the NUMBER ON THE SCALE doesn’t make me better or worse, a success or a failure.
It is in NO WAY related to my worth.
Woah.
That’s big stuff.
And how do I get there? How to I truly start to believe that I matter. BIG FAT PERIOD. Not IF I lose weight or IF I get stuff done. RIGHT NOW I matter! Right now YOU matter.
I do the healthy things. And I do the work. I treat myself like I matter right now, at the heaviest I have ever been outside of pregnancy. How do I show myself I matter? How do I grab hold of this? Here are five practical thoughts/actions I have taken to let myself believe I matter.
Use my faith.
Wow that sounds selfish. But my faith is a huge tool in my toolbox that I don’t always remember to hold onto. The fact that I am here is enough to mean that I matter. That God created me, formed me, and has brought me to the here and now. Pretty incredible. Especially when I think about my kids, and the moment they were born, actually from the moment that I knew that they were inside me and how much they mattered and how LOVED they were.
Photographic reminders.
I LOVE photographs. And though they are not always an accurate representation of what I look like (or maybe they are) but more importantly they are reminding me of the things and the people that matter. Fun times. Events. Moments. Hugs. The pictures remind me that I matter to the people in my life.
Anchor.
I am going to do a post about this soon, but finding songs, quotes, verses, words, anything that makes me feel stronger. That reminds me that I matter. Good stuff. Hold onto those things, post them, share them, place them on my desk!
Celebrate success.
The little things. Accomplishing a goal, making a connection, helping someone. Take note of the good things I do. The good things that happen.
Take time to do things I love.
When I am being creative, getting outside, spending quality time with my munchkins… I don’t have the time to really think about not mattering. It ends up just being about those things I am doing and creating.
Do you have any tips or tricks that help you in your journey? I’d love to hear them!